Monday, March 19, 2007

teddybear reveries...

They say, as a result of global warming, that in like 20 years, polar bears will only exist in zoos.
Thank God! Do you have any idea what a polar bear would do to you? You thoroughly piss yer pants while he charges. Then, he flays yer face into a pulp with one casual swipe of his massive, razor-sharp claws, glinting blindingly in the arctic glare. Next, that cuddly polar bear is going to pin you down with his thousand lbs of primordial girth, and relieve you of yer jugular vein, with his impressive fangs. Ursus maritimus may even take his time devouring you, as you lay twitching, screaming , alone, hapless, on an ice floe, - you are probably a more satisfying kill than a polar bear's typical diet of seals.
So when polar bears finally, inevitably, become extinct, (because you just had to drive yer car today) we can all safely venture to the Arctic, and saunter about, with no fear of predation. Isn't global warming awesome?!

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