I talk a lot of shit about my pet dinosaur, Noam. Sometimes It's just easier to write about the bad things in life- whatever, ok- so Noam did significantly disrupt a birthday party, an ice-cream truck, and a reputable corporate bookestore.
But have i ever told ya'll about how beautiful Noam's scales are, in early-morning light! Platinum rows of mail reflecting pine trees and cerulean sky. . Her eyes are of an adamantine vaccuity- (yeah i just came up with that phrase, thanks for admiring it ) One day i discovered my pet dinosaur has a vagina. Noam likes to roll over and have her scaley belly scratched. Well, that's how i figured that out but i have yet to fool 'round with this exceedingly flirtatious saurian. Probly won't. "nough trouble as it is. But Noam sure is pretty.
One would think keeping a dinosaur in one's backyard would attract attention. This hasn't really been an issue, as folks around here tend to keep to themselves. If i had a nuclear reactor in my backyard, passerby would even still hardly flick the brims of their derby hats. Shit, if i had a couple of roman candles and bottle rockets, and set them afire in my yard, all the armed forces of the universe would descend in phalanx formation against me . Folks don't get pokey about whatever in tarnation bizness i got goin out back. "dude down the street has a real live pet dinosaur." Fireworks? "Nope, din't see no fireworks. "
If ye, dear reader , are dim-witted, read no further.
HOW ZYMURGIAN FOUND NOAM
-in a dumpster. Some dumpsters are actually time-travel devices disguised as such things as dumpsters. Or actually, whatever is most appropriate to a certain epoch. To Noam, the time travel device was a muddy puddle she innocently cantered into.
WHY DOES NOAM LIKE YOU, ZYMURGIAN?
because i as well was the sport of one of those time export machines. Like to tell myself that, anyway...Noam's not that smart, actually. Anyone who has time-travelled retains an aroma similar of very intense, dank mint. And only those that have had a similar experience can detect it. Noam simply sniffed me out, when she was teleported, quite against her easy reptilian will .
WHY DOES YOUR PET DINOSAUR NOAM EAT BOOKS?
Good question. And one i haven't quite figured out just yet. May have something to do with cellulose transmogrification throughout the millennia?
SOME WOULD CALL YOU INSANE FOR ATTEMPTING TO SAIL VARIOUS VEGETABLES DOWN THE GUTTER OF A DOWNTOWN ALLEY DURING A LATE SUMMER'S MONSOON DELUGE.
Yes, that is quite right.
WHAT IS NOAM (reading) DEVOURING RIGHT NOW?
"Where The Wild Things Are", by Maurice Sendak. She is really taking her time on this delicacy- nibbles like a rabbit, actually, lazing about the tall grass, slowly, vacantly gently ripping pages from the book and meditatively masticating them.
good enough dinosaur.
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