Today's Boobies

Can't let a Friday slip by without some Boobies.

I Have An Excuse

Sorry about the lack of posts. I'm in Nevada (again), and busy with the real world. I should be returning to the exciting realm of espousing political observations (otherwise known as mental self-flagellation) soon. Refunds subject to manager approval.

Mind Numbing Stupidity

Satire is dead.

Faced with the disastrous gulf oil spill, Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour (R, obviously) has a plan to bring more tourists to the gulf coast by offering people gas cards:

Gov. Haley Barbour said that the Mississippi Gulf Coast is open for business, despite the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

In an effort to encourage tourism, Mississippi Gulf Coast officials are offering $75 gas cards for those who book a two-night stay at one of the participating hotels or resorts listed online at www.gulfcoast.org. Resident can also sign up online for a chance to win one of four getaway packages.

http://www.wapt.com/money/23556542/detail.html

Yeah, we'll pay for the gas to show you the cost of gas guzzling. Feel free to enjoy a day of tar ball collecting on the beach. At least the war on the environment is going well.

Friday Boobies

Debating important issues of the day.

Writing

Those who can't write, well they wrote about writing. So I like this:

somethingintellectual

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren’t necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14. Profanity sucks.
15. Be more or less specific.
16. Understatement is always best.
17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
22. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
23. Who needs rhetorical questions?

Remind me to follow at least a few of those rules.

Oil Rules

(cartoon from Outside the Interzone)

I've had absolutely zero enthusiasm for posting about serious topics lately. It's all too damn depressing, and bitching in a blog post doesn't improve my mood.

Take the gulf oil spill (please), an environmental disaster of epic proportions. It's the inevitable result of our oil dependant society, and a system that rewards corruption. Cheap, profitable oil is sacred, and government regulation is seen as an obscene abomination to be removed or avoided at all costs. BP ignored the old proverb about "an ounce of prevention being worth a pound of cure", choosing to scrimp on safety valves to reduce costs and increase profits. It was cheaper to buy looser regulations.

So it's somewhat positive that the Obama administration is making an attempt to reform the Minerals Management Service, an agency with the conflicted agenda of both promoting and regulating off-shore drilling:

The Obama administration is proposing to split up an Interior Department agency that oversees offshore drilling, as part of its response to the Gulf Coast oil spill, The Associated Press has learned.

An administration official who asked not to be identified because the plan is not yet public said Interior Secretary Ken Salazar will urge that Congress approve splitting the Minerals Management Service in two. One agency would be charged with inspecting oil rigs, investigating oil companies and enforcing safety regulations, while the other would oversee leases for drilling and collection of billions of dollars in royalties.

Currently, the Minerals Management Service, an arm of the Interior Department, is responsible for collecting more than $10 billion a year from oil and gas drilling and with enforcing laws and regulations that apply to drilling operations.

Some critics have said the two roles are in conflict and are one reason the agency has long been accused of being too cozy with the oil and natural gas industry.

An internal investigation in 2008 described a "culture of substance abuse and promiscuity" by workers at the agency. The investigation by Interior's inspector general found workers at the MMS royalty collection office in Denver partied, had sex with and used drugs with energy company representatives. Workers also accepted gifts, ski trips and golf outings, the report by Inspector General Earl E. Devaney said.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jYP7GoO9ldJALdGGRcHuadmF3y1gD9FKIM1O0

OK, it's really only a small step. The regulators and the industry were (sometimes literally) in bed together, and the results are now washing upon the shore. Separating the regulators from the promoters would at least encourage a moderate level of oversight, and a slight increase in safety.

But it's not going to solve the problem of our societies oil addiction: no winning politician is going to campaign on a platform of "we need to raise the price of gasoline" in the face of "drill, baby, drill". We'll have a nice little moratorium as the result of this disaster, then expand off-shore drilling as soon as the headlines have been forgotten.

And nothing I post on this little blog will have the slightest impact on that truth.

blarings

To some this may seem trivial, but to me and maybe a few others, a horrific symptom of the malaise of our society is that the trains passing through this town are no longer encouraged to sound their horns. Instead, at many train crossings, a long aluminum post with a speaker on top announces the arrival of a train with a recording of a train horn. It is a ghastly poor rendition of what a real BNSF train horn sounds like. Yep- to be sure, some of them trains is mighty loud, but at least there was a human being- the conductor carrying millions of dollars of freight to Barstow and no two train soundings was alike. And so consider the train horn-
As one fairly acquainted with music, train horns commonly play in unison two of the most dissonant intervals of the octave; 7ths and 2nds. These sort of intervals cannot form a triad-duh- the function of the noble, hardworking, BNSF train conductor is to scare things away from the tracks so he doesn't have to deal with turning them into jelly and bone fragments.
Every once in awhile I swear I heard a train sound a perfect 4th, wittily intersticed with the dissonance of his company policy. Some conductors compose their own blarings. What matters is
methinks a BNSF engine is equipped with a horn that is wind-driven. (one can just tell) Well I just hate that fucking robot train sound too close to my domicile. Emits the quality of bad cell-phone reception.
Does the conductor(oh yeah a good friend of mine is one) set his jaw with reticence to let a bad recording(always the same) announce his passage? Why do I sniff something Orwellian?
Zymurgian

The Art of War in Bones

I found these graphics quite dramatic. More at Francois Roberts Bone Sculptures Pic Gear.

Fresh Boobies

With very blue feet for Friday.

Birthday Wishes

Good friend and infrequent poster Zymurgian celebrates another trip around the sun today. I can't make fun of his age (I'm older), but he's reached one of those birthdays that end in "0", and may have to start acting like an adult someday soon. Nah...

This pic is kind of old, but it's one of my favorites - Atrocia coiled around Zymurgian's head.

Happy Birthday, dude!

Why the Arizona Immigration Law Will Fail

(pic from Lockwood at Outside the Interzone)

I had really hoped to avoid commenting on the odious, idiotic Arizona immigration law, also known as "Brown People-Your Papers Please", but the damn thing hasn't gone away yet. However, I do strongly believe that this racist piece of legislation is doomed to failure, and that the only question is which of its many flaws will be the initial cause of death. Consider:
1) The law as written is blatantly unconstitutional, clearly violating "probable cause" and "unreasonable search" provisions, as well as civil rights based on racial profiling. The lawsuits are already rolling in, and while the courts are usually slow they usually get it right.
2) Arizona's demographics will make the law unenforceable. The states population is roughly 30% hispanic, which isn't surprising since Arizona was originally part of Mexico. That's a lot of American citizens who look and sound like "immigrants", which makes profiling virtually impossible. Most people don't carry "proof of citizenship" in our wallets, so the probability of wrongful accusation is very high. And a high percentage of our law enforcement officers are hispanic themselves; already several police and sheriffs departments are refusing to participate in enforcing the law.
3) It's going to be an economic disaster from a variety of angles. Already, Arizona Faces Boycott Calls After Immigration Law, including from Arizona's largest trade partner: Mexico. The tourism industry is already suffering, and even the Major League Baseball Players Association calls for ‘repeal’ or prompt modification of Arizona law (the baseball all-star game is scheduled to be in Phoenix next year). And the Latino workforce is huge, and ranges from the stereotype laborer to the highest levels of professionals in Arizona; their dollars will have a major impact. For a state that is already in a budget crisis, it won't take long for the financial backlash to knock some sense into the legislature's head.
4) The law is destined to end the Republican's political control of Arizona. The state has been trending more "purple" in recent elections, but Republicans had held a small majority of hispanic voters. Retaining those votes would mean walking a fine line, and the GOP isn't walking this fine line very well. So, don't be surprised if there are wholesale changes come November.
I've said it before, but the simple fact remains that the only way to fix "illegal" immigration is to fix "legal" immigration. The process for getting a work visa (a "green card") has become so cumbersome as to be virtually impossible. But people are amazingly resourceful when it comes to survival of themselves and their families, so they will keep coming. The vast majority would rather do so legally; it's the system that fails them. This law does nothing to address the causes of the immigration problem, it only increases the level of racism. It wont work (although a lot of people will be hurt in the process).
Added: There is going to be a lot of ugliness before this law is repealed.

Now, a neo-Nazi group is trying to help Arizona crack down on illegal immigration, encouraging people to “Report An Illegal” on Cinco de Mayo:

The National Socialist Movement, which is considered by many to be a neo-nazi hate group, is passing out fliers to coincide with Cinco de Mayo. According to a flier received by ABC15 and the group’s website, the National Socialist Movement is calling May 5th, “Report An Illegal Day”.

The one-page flier calls on people to fax or email Congress and demand that the border be secured. It also wants people to ask local businesses to participate in e-verify and to turn in people to DHS and ICE. [...]

According to the group’s website, the National Socialist Movement wants each member to hand out 25-fliers.

The Boobie Shows Up

The Friday Boobie. Hopefully, I'll be putting up other posts soon.

A Beer List

That I disagree with. GQ magazine put together a list of 50 beers from around the world all beer enthusiasts need to try before they die. Having tried over half the beers on the list, I'm unimpressed. The list does include some very good beers, but also a few that are rather mediocre. I can think of several that should be on the list, but aren't, starting with "Tactical Nuclear Penguin" (http://pygalgia.blogspot.com/2009/11/more-beer-news-tactical-nuclear-penguin.html). Also, Ska Brewing's "Decadent".

So, what beers would you suggest that a beer lover try before their drinking days are over?

On Time Boobies

Happy Friday. The Boobies are here, right on time.

Unbolted Nuts

Some loose screws are beyond tightening. Take Sue Lowden, the repub front runner to replace Harry Reid as senator from Nevada (where I am this week), who came up with a brilliant plan that Greg Sargent calls "Chickens For Checkups":

"I'm telling you that this works," the Republican candidate explained. "You know, before we all started having health care, in the olden days, our grandparents, they would bring a chicken to the doctor. They would say, 'I'll paint your house.' I mean, that's the old days of what people would do to get health care with your doctors. Doctors are very sympathetic people. I'm not backing down from that system."

Under this system, I think my shoulder would cost me an Ostrich farm at least.
But that wasn't the nuttiest thing I read. This was:

The Georgia state legislature, on top of the latest threats, is holding hearings on a bill to ban implanting people with microchips -- as one rumor suggested the Health Care Reform bill mandated.

But the good folks who run the Judiciary Committee seemed to have gotten a bit more than they reckoned with when one of their hearing witnesses claimed that she had already been implanted with a microchip.

And not just any microchip, but one the Pentagon had implanted in her "vaginal-rectum area", apparently to track her movements.

The Journal-Constitution reports that things started getting weird when a woman who described herself as a resident of DeKalb County told the committee: "I'm also one of the people in Georgia who has a microchip." Apparently no lawmaker took this as a warning sign, and she was allowed to continue her testimony.

"Microchips are like little beepers," the woman told the committee. "Just imagine, if you will, having a beeper in your rectum or genital area, the most sensitive area of your body. And your beeper numbers displayed on billboards throughout the city. All done without your permission."

"Ma'am, did you say you have a microchip?" state Rep. Tom Weldon (R) asked the woman.

"Yes, I do. This microchip was put in my vaginal-rectum area," she replied.

http://tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/04/ga-lawmakers-hear-testimony-from-woman-claiming-dod-implanted-a-microchip-inside-her.php?ref=fpb

It's safe to say it wasn't a "smart chip".

Reading stories like these make me grateful about how "normal" my family is.

Correct Me If I'm Right

If Adolf Hitler were still alive and living in Argentina, he'd be turning 121 today. Given how unlikely this is, can we all just agree: he's dead.

A Label

If I had a brewery, this would be on the bottle labels.

(Found at Blackadder, where you can find many more amusing things.)

A Boobie From the Road

I'll be away from home for another week, but I can't let Friday pass without a Boobie. Posting will most likely continue to be minimal.

Armed and Crazy

Armed and crazy is one thing. Armed, crazy, and state sanctioned is downright scary:

OKLAHOMA CITY — Frustrated by recent political setbacks, tea party leaders and some conservative members of the Oklahoma Legislature say they would like to create a new volunteer militia to help defend against what they believe are improper federal infringements on state sovereignty.

Tea party movement leaders say they've discussed the idea with several supportive lawmakers and hope to get legislation next year to recognize a new volunteer force. They say the unit would not resemble militia groups that have been raided for allegedly plotting attacks on law enforcement officers.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/13/oklahoma-tea-party-plans_n_535412.html

Meme to Oklahoma: remember what happened in one of your cities? The one named "Oklahoma City"? You might want to think about that before you align with a militia.

Family Matters

I've got some family stuff to attend to, so posting may be even lighter over the next ten or so days.
Co-Bloggers, the door is open.