dumpster dive PART 2

This post will not make a damn bit of sense to you, if you are not already familiar of how Zymurgian happens to be posting from the year 2013. Please scroll down a few posts, to insure yer understanding of this one, if you care to.

"I'm glad we made it" says Jenisalaamefer, my first acquaintence of 2013, and my valiant rescuer from a deadly windstorm, or "guster", as they say these days. " My i-trover is low on batteries. We barely escaped the water-plunder hordes."
Yer what? The what hordes?" Her wierd purplish silver eyes, this future chick, they widen in an expression of wonder and exasperation, perhaps fear. Jenisalaamefer (huh?) clad in white robes, with some kind of i-poddish thing on a hemp necklace astride her resplendent bosom, doesn't know what to make of me any more than I do of her...
Or of how I was just taking out the trash, moments ago, and the fucking dumpster decided to fling me to the year 2013! I try telling her this.
"Well, she sighs, "I can tell you have a scrotum and a penis, and nobody has that equipment downloaded anymore. You don't even have an i-trover on! Cyber-Hiitites would rip you a new third eye for that, dumbass! And you are also stupid enough to be out during a guster, without propper sheathing."
I'm wearing Carharts and a hoodie. "Well, this garb was fine for 2007."
Jenisalaamefer tosses her splendiferous auburn locks and giggles. " There is so much that Allahjesu has willed since yer day. Did you guys have homebrew in 2007? Probably not huh? Well I just bottled a decent batch of IPA. Wanna homebrew?
Perhaps 2013 doesn't totally suck. Anyway, posting from the future is tough. I will inform you of my predicament as I am able, Google willing- Insh'Allah-Amen.

Iran attack on?

Don't know if this is credible, or deliberate disinformation. I'm unclear as to why the Russian military would be leaking this at this time.
http://onlinejournal.com/artman/publish/article_1888.shtml

Operation Bite: April 6 sneak attack by US forces against Iran planned, Russian military sources warn

WASHINGTON DC, -- The long awaited US military attack on Iran is now on track for the first week of April, specifically for 4 am on April 6,
the Good Friday opening of Easter weekend, writes the well-known Russian journalist Andrei Uglanov

Via the ever brilliant Monkeyfister:http://monkeyfister.blogspot.com/

More Pics

Because I can:

The job pays what?

The things people will do for money. I heard this story on the BBC, and went WHA? You taped three live crocodiles to your upper body? And this pays how much?
http://rawstory.com/news/dpa/Gaza_woman_caught_smuggling_crocodi_03252007.html

Jerusalem- A Palestinian woman was caught trying to smuggle three crocodiles from Egypt into the Gaza Strip via Rafah BorderCrossing, it was revealed Sunday...
the smuggler tried to cross Thursday into Gaza with thethree crocodiles taped to her
upper body...
She related that she wanted to sell the reptiles to a local zoo.

Unfortunately, there aren't pictures with the story.

Perspective

Back in the late '90's, I read a great book titled "The Fourth Turning", by William Strauss and Neil Howe http://www.fourthturning.com/html/fourth_turning.html. Basically, the book discussed the cycles of history and how they could be predictive of the future. Written in 1997, the authors declared that we were heading into a cycle of crisis within 10 years.

Strauss and Howe base this vision on a provocative theory of American history as a series of recurring 80- to 100-year cycles. Each cycle has four "turnings"-a High, an
Awakening, an Unraveling, and a Crisis. The authors locate today's America as midway through an Unraveling, roughly a decade away from the next Crisis (or Fourth Turning). And they recommend ways Americans can prepare for what's ahead, as a nation and as individuals.

I bring this up because of the many posts on economic, enviormental, and militaristic threats that we face in the near future, and how to get through them.

People support new efforts to wield public authority, whose perceived successes
soon justify more of the same. Government governs, community obstacles are
removed, and laws and customs that resisted change for decades are swiftly
shunted aside. A grim preoccupation with civic peril causes spiritual curiosity to decline. A sense of public urgency contributes to a clampdown on “bad” conduct or “anti-social” lifestyles. People begin feeling shameful about what they earlier did
to absolve guilt. Public order tightens, private risk-taking abates, and crime and substance abuse decline. Families strengthen, gender distinctions widen, and child-rearing reaches a smothering degree of protection and structure. The young focus
their energy on worldly achievements, leaving values in the hands of the old. Wars are fought with fury and for maximum result.

I wish I had a copy of the book with me today, as it has become quite prophetic.

San Juan pics

Here's a few photos from the San Juan trip. As I downloaded these, I was reminded that I really should take notes when I take pictures so that I remember which is which.

I'll put up more soon, but these should let you have a glimpse of the scenery.

I'm Back

Aah, the joy of the river. I'm back from seven glorious days on the San Juan river. I'll post some pics after I download them from the camera, but I've got a lot of gear to clean first.
Short trip description: Mexican Hat to Clay Hills, six people, four boats, some weather, great food, beautiful scenery, and beer. Two of the people on the trip are geology professors, so it was a great learning opportunity (I took geology 101 around 30 years ago, and the bits of information I've learned since are rather incomplete). The rapids were a blast.
The other beautiful thing was seven days of NO news. It was a mind cleanser. I'm a bit of a politics/news junkie, but I felt no withdrawal symptoms. Reading the news this morning, I realized how healthy it was for me to just get away from it for a while. The evil bastards will keep on being evil bastards, whether I'm paying attention or not. While it is important to keep fighting them, sometimes it's important to take care of your own sanity by stepping away. I feel refreshed.
But I do have a lot of gear to clean. More later.

?

Temper-tantrum Tyrant

I was speaking with a friend in Portland the other day, and while on the phone, his kid decided to throw a temper-tantrum, as kids his age (4) are often wont to do. I guess as a parent you're pretty immune to this, but for someone outside the interaction, it can be pretty frustrating.

I mention this because it's seems our Fuhrer, after getting bitch-slapped by Congress, decided to stamp his feet and whine and yell and generally act like a 4-year old, as he always does when people don't continuously fawn upon him.

Well, Mr. Bush, grow the fuck up, you namby-pamby wuss. You don't always get to do exactly what you want all the time, a lesson my parents taught me, strangely, when I was four years old. Seventy percent of Americans want our troops out of Iraq, and we went to the polls and elected people who said they would do that, and that's just what they are attempting to do. That's the way democracy works.

Frankly, Mr. Bush, given your record for shitty decision-making, your obstinacy just reinforces the beliefs of that 70-percent who are against you; and rendering you, in our minds, even more impotent than before. Although, speaking for myself, I've never had an ounce of respect for a man who could barely stumble through college; maybe if you'd paid more attention, America wouldn't be in the horrible state it is today.

So, go ahead and force your Constitutional Crisis, Mr. Bush. Sure, it'll go to the Supreme Court, and they'll rule in your favor. But, that will only strengthen most Americans beliefs in the unfairness of the system and decrease respect for the GOP. You're doing more to crush conservatism than I could accomplish in a million years.

Heck of a job, Bushie.

dumpster dive, PART ONE

Usually a dumpster is a dumpster, but there's one Downtown that is actually a time machine; a wormhole in space that occasionally boots up and sucks things into other dimensions. Well, I don't really know what happened- I was tossing a bag of trash into its greasy maw when a freaky green light appeared and...
I've been teleported to the year 2013, guys. The difficulties with posting back in time have been legion, I won't even get into that now... Anyway, I'm apparently trapped over here, been hanging around the dumpster hoping that wormhole manifests again . I don't like it here. Not so much.
First thing I noticed, crawling outta a nasty dumpster, was how hot it is. Scorching, stifling, the bottom of the Grand Canyon in June at Noon would be mild. So I fashioned myself a makeshift hat from 7 year-old tortilla boxes, and went a ' sauntering.
Please try to stay with me here, folks, as I'm still trying to cognate the sheer shock of this world. Okay, well, it's real damn hot. Next thing I noticed about Downtown Flagstaff in 2013 is, there is no pavement. That's right!- No concrete or asphalt- just grass. Downtown is a big field of grass!!! So, thusly, I have yet to observe a motorized vehicle in this time. The buldings are much the same, but with no windows, and they all have these very wierd reflective panels on the rooves. Grass and mirrors everywhere. Silence. Except for gusts of wind, so violent and terrible, don't really want to tell ya'll about it.
The sky is no longer blue. More like a puddle of moldy Heineken.
The windstorms of the future are so intense, that if you go outside during one, you die. They are a lot like our contemporary late summer rains(long gone), accompanied by thunder and lightning so daunting, even Nicolai Tesla would run for cover. The weather is so bad, only very skillfully engineered trees can live in this world. Sort of bonsai-like. No more pines. Plenty of grass.
So I'm standing there in the lush grass- what used to be a parking lot, when this low, mournful siren sounds somewhere (inclement wind warning) and I experience my first Gusting- flings me like a dog toy against what used to be a restaraunt/catering business. So much for the cardboard hat! I'm like the dude in the Maxell cassette tape commercial. Can't even move.
Twas during this nearly brain-shattering trauma that I encountered my first human being of 2013. A person wearing some white, diaphanous toga-like garment, with a rope about the waist, soared into the maelstrom , grabbed me, and whisked me somewhere sheltered.
It was a woman. Young and rather pretty, despite her thorough(and I thought, almost Arabic) white raiment. My first conversation with a Flagstaff denizen of 2013 went something like this...
"Salaam Alikum, muthafucka. You look watered, praise Google, by Allahjesu."
"Thanks" I tell her, as I get my wind back, and suddenly her eyes widen with astonishment. She is staring at my crotch.
"Oh my Allahjesu! You are a man!
Yep.
But men do not exist anymore! You are the first I've seen in five years! " About now I notice she's actually quite hot, despite the unusual purple/silver eyes, there's a glint of intellegence in them, curiosity in the way she cocks her head of auburn tresses , mellifluousness and poise in her voice. "My name is Zymurgian", I offer. She wears some kind of i pod-ish thing on a hemp necklace. She clutches it, clearly nervous.
"I am Jenisalomefer, of the 19th gigawater clan. We gotta get the fuck outta here now, amigo. The Water-Plunder-Hordes always follow the Gustings. " With that, she starts pressing buttons on whatever that i pod thing is , and suddenly we're somewhere else.
(To be continued. Really)

'

BOCA RATON - Retired Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, speaking at a Futures Industry Association annual conference here on Thursday, said the problems of the subprime mortgage market had more to do with home prices than easy credit.

"If we could wave a wand and housing prices go up 10 percent, the subprime mortgage problem would disappear," he said.

Well yeah, Al, and if I could wave a magic wand at my prick, I'd be one of the busiest, most-sought-after porn stars in the industry today. But wishes don't change reality.

Alan, you're just trying to salvage your reputation, which is going to drop down the toilet as the housing industry tanks, taking along construction, various other amounts of businesses that have grown to support the housing boom, and, if we're lucky, will just stop there. As it is, more and more economists are beginning to admit that we're going to have a recession; the only difference of opinion is whether said recession will be soft and short or longer and harsher. FWIW, as a pragmatic sort, I'm guessing it'll probably be extraordinarily harsh.

It's this kind of foolish optimism that got us where we are now; Greenspan encouraged these shitty loan practices during the whole of his last six years, in order to help ameliorate a ravaged dot-com tech-bubble burst and as a way to pull the economy along.

Now, I rent, but have owned and would contemplate buying here if I even ever thought I could afford a home here (the answer is no, unless my mother dies and leaves me piles of cash). Granted, I might just possibly be able to afford if I was willing to move somewhere more affordable, commute 50 miles round trip daily, and other sorts of things that I'm unwilling to do. I like walking to work, or riding my bike. I like that I can (realistically) get everywhere I want to go on foot (or by bike) in 5-10 minutes max. And, I especially like the savings in gas prices.

But, just like many places around the country, around here median annual income here is $54,200 and median house price is $315,750. Not good odds, and soon to get worse for many, many current home buyers and wanna-be home buyers.

I'm not looking forward to this coming recession. I think it will hurt many, many more people than it should (myself and my friends included), through higher prices for everything, and, as of today, with the OPEC ministers meeting turning out just so-so, it looks like gas will spiral again to $3 by late April/early May.

I don't look forward to $2.50 heads of lettuce.

teddybear reveries...

They say, as a result of global warming, that in like 20 years, polar bears will only exist in zoos.
Thank God! Do you have any idea what a polar bear would do to you? You thoroughly piss yer pants while he charges. Then, he flays yer face into a pulp with one casual swipe of his massive, razor-sharp claws, glinting blindingly in the arctic glare. Next, that cuddly polar bear is going to pin you down with his thousand lbs of primordial girth, and relieve you of yer jugular vein, with his impressive fangs. Ursus maritimus may even take his time devouring you, as you lay twitching, screaming , alone, hapless, on an ice floe, - you are probably a more satisfying kill than a polar bear's typical diet of seals.
So when polar bears finally, inevitably, become extinct, (because you just had to drive yer car today) we can all safely venture to the Arctic, and saunter about, with no fear of predation. Isn't global warming awesome?!

what's for lunch?

What I do for "frogskin"- an Iroquois term for money (yeah- i know i've brought this up before, just such a great term) is prepare food for people too frackin lazy or stupid to make their own lunch. I am not a souschef, nor still of shortorder rank. I consider myself, simply, a "culinarian" with my frogskin endeavors these days.
I have also been a trapeeze artist, squirrel groomer, Melville scholar, whalebone corset inspector, (dear reader you are now obliged to take another sip of your glass of madeira on that segueway) manufacturer of anti-war blimp detonators, connoiseur of rare Englebert Humperdinck recordings, Sasquatch tracker, and I once managed a lint factory, before that gig where i recycled Las Vegas plastic visor hats into park benches. Lo!- the list goes on and on, friend.
Today's special, at the ole' mall kiosk, of which i am Vice-CEO, was a dead rat in a tortilla, with bernaise, pomegranate coulis and thrice-wilted radiccio. Sold so well i could hardly keep up with the demand! I got personal complements from my patrons, like, "I didn't know a rat burro could be so darn delectable!"
Ha!Ha! Avast! Our political watchdog is away on a river trip. Someone's gotta push this wheelbarrow while he's gone, and I, folks, am a little cracked.

maestro wit

Richard Thompson, one of my favorite musicians, had this to say, tuning his guitar between songs, during an awe-inspiring performance I attended last week-

"What is the difference between Heaven and Hell? Well, in Heaven, the English greet you, the French cook, the Italians are the entertainers, and the Germans organize everything. In Hell... The French greet you, the English cook, Italians organize everything, and the Germans entertain. "

Four Years

Four years ago, Shrub decided to play shock and awe on Iraq. I was safely hidden on a boat on the San Juan river, unable to watch the news. Today, as I prepare to return to the river, I'm still pretty much unable to watch the news. My anger is barely under control, but I have no outlet. The war goes on, the blood is real.

So I'll go hide in the wilderness. See y'all in six days.

I'm a lucky man

I got invited to go boating on the San Juan for the next six days. Hope that Zymurgian and Sweaterman will keep some posts up. See Y'all next week.

back to leave

Nice trip on the Salt River. Here's some pics:

Now I have to get ready for a real trip. I'll explain later.

The right thing to do

I'm waiting to leave, and reading the news. This caught my eye:

Democratic Gov. Bill Richardson, poised to sign a bill making New Mexico the 12th state to legalize medical marijuana, said Thursday that he realizes his action could become an issue in the presidential race.

"So what if it's risky? It's the right thing to do," said Richardson, one of the candidates in the crowded 2008 field.

http://www.freenewmexican.com/news/58689.html

While the issue of recreational marijuana can be debated, the issue of medical marijuana is crystal clear. It works. It alleviates pain and suffering for many people. Denying those people relief is cruel and inhumane. Mr. Richardson, well done.

Day Tripper, yeah...

I'm going on a day trip down the Salt River today. Hope to take new pics.

It's Friday, still not a cat

It's Atrocia:



Isn't she cute?