Scandal Fodder for Wingnuts

Perhaps congress will investigate...

I'm a Sad Case

"Uh, Hi! My name is Pygalgia, and I'm an addict"
I'm a sad case. It's time to admit it: I'm a political junkie. I'd been trying to stay off of the stuff, but tonight I got home from school (evening classes this semester), and I turned on NPR. Live from the looney bin (R) convention. And, well, I ended up listening to it. Which is not a healthy thing to do. It's one thing to browse political blogs on occasion, but to actually sit and mainline Mrs. Williard and Chris Chrustie, the governor of high fructose corn syrup, in one sitting...sad.
Kids, I really hope you'll stay away from politics. It's a terrible habit, and once you're hooked, it just might ruin your mind.
(since most of my readers aren't exactly "kids", and likely are already heavily abusing politics, you'll understand the advice was purely satirical.)

Too Strange To Satirize

Amish terrorists.

'Sam Mullet is evil': Sect leader and six Amish 'beard cutters' charged with hate crimes after FBI raids compound

A beard cutting cult with a leader named "Mullet."

I got nothin'...

How Exciting

For the most part, I've been ignoring the republican presidential primary contenders. A circus only made up of clowns has very little entertainment value. But now that Thaddeus McCotter is filing his presidential paperwork today and plans to formally announce tomorrow, I just might have to take interest. He's such an exciting candidate, after all. Right?

< /satire >

Politically Incorrect Thought of the Day

If Hosni Mubarak really wants to end the protests in Cairo, all he has to do is book the Black Eyed Peas to play a concert in Tahrir Square. Yes, it would be cruel and inhumane, but the place would be cleared out in minutes.

RNC Reduces Bloggers Snark

Looks like we won't have Michael Steele to kick around anymore. Which is somewhat sad, as he was a constant source for easy blog snark (not that I took advantage of the opportunity all that often). At least he left with his own style, saying "Exit, stage right" and then walking off stage left.

I doubt that his replacement, Reince Priebus, will give us as much comedic fodder, other than from spellcheck alternatives, but we can hope. Already, several folks have noticed that if you remove all the vowels from "Reince Priebus" you get: "RNC PR BS", which is a fine start.

Meet Newly-Elected RNC Chair Reince Priebus

Today's Historical Abomination

On January 11th, 1973, the "American" League of major league baseball adopted the "designated hitter" rule, an abomination that has tainted the purity of baseball ever since. When "god" (whoever she is) created baseball, it was ordained that a lineup consisted of 9 players. Allowing a 10th player is just plain wrong, and the world has been going steadily downhill ever since. If we really want to save America, I believe that an excellent first step would be the elimination of the designated hitter.

I Am (as usual) Confused

There's something strange about republican imagery and fundraising tactics that I don't quite understand. Some Republican goofball left a copy of an RNC fundraising presentation in a Florida hotel room, and now everyone can see it. The power point slide above seems to be getting the most attention, and it is rather amusing in a very weird sort of way. But I'm not sure that I 'get' the author's intention.
Okay, I can understand the "Obama as the Joker" image has some propaganda value. Rather childish, but I can see how the caricature implies "evil". The same for the "Pelosi as Cruella" image; silly, but I get the point.
Now to the parts I don't understand: Pelosi and Reid as "American Gothic"? This is supposed to imply...what? That they're like a classic portrayal of "Americana"? That they're "old"? (Not exactly a campaign tactic that helps republicans, in my opinion). That Harry Reid carries a pitchfork? This hurts them how?
And the caricature of Harry Reid as "Scooby-Doo" leaves me really confused. I'm certainly no expert on "Scooby-Doo", but I did see the cartoon in my youth. A large, goofy dog with a "snack dependency" (I always thought it was a thinly veiled drug reference) who bumbles around, but is always the "hero" by the end of the show. Correct me if I'm right, but Scooby always solves the mystery and stops the villain in the end. So is the point that Harry Reid is a clumsy hero? That he's a snack addict? My understanding of the parody is unclear. Making an analogy that Harry Reid is a "good guy" doesn't strike me as all that damning. If anything, comparing Harry to Scooby is more complimentary to him than a lot of things I might say about him; I have my doubts that he'll 'save the day' at the end of the episode.
I do understand the use of caricature in political attacks; it's a very old technique (Thomas Nast springs to mind). But this amateurish attempt is beyond feeble. Pelosi and Reid are both rather easy targets for parody in reality, but this attempt seems to completely miss the shot.
Am I missing something?

Book Piracy

This one's for Sweaterman:
Offline Book "Lending" Costs U.S. Publishers Nearly $1 Trillion
Yes, the publishing industry is being robbed, robbed I tell you!

Boston, where a mass meeting of alleged book traffickers is to take place. Over 10,000 are expected at the "ALA Midwinter" event. Even at the Amtrak station in New York City this morning, at the very the heart of the US publishing industry, book trafficking culture was evident, with many travelers brazenly displaying the totebags used to transport printed contraband.

As soon as I got off the train, I was surrounded by even more of this crowd. Calling themselves "Librarians", they talk about promoting literacy, education, culture and economic development, which are, of course, code words for the use and dispersal of intellectual property. They readily admit to their activities, and rationalize them because they're perfectly legal in the US, at least for now.

http://www.boingboing.net/2010/01/27/book-sharing-bankrup.html

Trafficking in literary property without paying royalties to publishers, in broad daylight. Pure socialism in action, Sweaterman.

Kids Today

Aw, come on: who among us hadn't tried to wiretap a senator's office as a youthful indiscretion like This?

Senator 'With Benefits'

So Scott Brown, the Naked Teabagger won. I'm looking to find something positive to salvage from his election, and I think I've found it: during his lengthy, rambling victory speech, Sen.-elect Brown announced to the world that his daughters were "available"

BOSTON (FOX25, myfoxboston) - Senator-elect Scott Brown called his daughters "available" in an awkward moment that stood out during his victory speech.

Brown thanked his daughters Ayla and Arianna for their help on the campaign, then stopped to point out to the nation that they were, "available."

http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/offbeat/awkward-moment-for-brown-daughters

Republican "family values" can seem a little strange for the uninitiated, but if you've read the book of Leviticus, a father is allowed to sell his daughters. So he's keeping with christian tradition, at least when compared to his nude centerfold posing (I'm not aware of any biblical passages about that).
If I could, I'd be asking him a couple of questions about his daughters "availability", like "available for what?" and "how much?"
But I'm a perverted, old liberal.

TSA Almost Succeeds

in protecting America from Joan Rivers:

The New York Daily News reports that comedian Joan Rivers was among the many travelers to get snared in the heightened-security frenzy that overtook airports after the December 25th failed terrorist attack. Rivers wasn’t allowed on her Newark-bound flight in Costa Rica this past weekend by a “jittery Continental Airlines gate agent” who thought the two names on her passport, which reads “Joan Rosenberg AKA Joan Rivers,” seemed “fishy.”

http://thinkprogress.org/2010/01/05/joan-rivers-airport/

Now, I don't think Ms. Rivers is a terrorist. But she's not funny, and she's the kind of celebrity that we have way too many of. As a country, we really don't need Joan Rivers back. I can only assume that the powerful cosmetic surgery industry successfully lobbied for her return.

Driving America to the Left

In a surprise announcement, President Obama called for a change in American driving:
"For far too long, this country has been driven too far to the right, by driving on the right. Because I'm a left-handed leftist, I'm hereby ordering that, beginning next month, America will begin driving on the left side of the road. Now, I know, some folks will not like this. But we have been driven so far to the right that we've driven over a cliff. So, it's time to drive on the left. It's time for America to move further left, driven by the left, by driving on the left. Think how many jobs we can create, just by turning around all those 'one way' signs, and also bailing out the auto-repair industry". The President added "hey, it worked in Samoa, and look how their economy is doing."
Overall reaction was tepid, but all the mainstream pundits agreed that a more "bi-partisan, centrist" plan is needed. David Broder said "I intend to keep driving down the middle of the road, and I hope the rest of America will follow me".
There will, of course, be an exemption for trucks and vehicles over 8,000 lbs. GVW. The 'so-called' "hummer exemption" should cause only minimal problems, as trucks have never followed lane rules, anyway.
(none of this is true)

Finally, Republicans Have A Good Idea

OK, I'm kidding. But it's their idea, so it's their issue. The Republican National Committee has sent out a "2009 Future of American Health Survey." Question #4 reads:

"It has been suggested that the government could use voter registration to determine a person's political affiliation, prompting fears that GOP voters might be discriminated against for medical treatment in a Democrat-imposed health care rationing system. Does this possibility concern you?"

This is why I wouldn't be allowed to serve on any "death panel". My first question would be "are you stupid?" If the answer was "yes", I'd probably let you die. And if you believe this kind of crap, you are stupid. Ergo...

Palin Resigning

OK, that's a shocker. Was it because of this picture?

(snarky pic stolen somewhere on the net)

I just hope she doesn't start campaigning for 2012 right away. That would be way too long to maintain an appropriate level of satire.

Or (pure speculation) is there an Argentinian hiking type story about to break?

At least it's not another Michael Jackson story.

Endorsements

St. Sleazy picks up the coveted Marxist Polygamist Terrorists, Inc. endorsement:

While some small-minded sorts might claim that it’s wrong to try to hold a candidate responsible for the statements of an organization he’s specifically condemned, John McCain knows better. He realizes that candidates are 100% responsible for everyone who purports to support them, no ifs, ands or buts (Rev. John Hagee, anyone?).

That is, after all, the straight-talking way.

And we here at Marxist Polygamist Terrorists, Inc. couldn’t agree more! And it is in that very spirit that we hereby proudly announce our enthusiastic and unconditional endorsement of John McCain for President of the United States!

We want to make it very clear where Marxist polygamist terrorists stand in this election! And where we stand is squarely behind John McCain!

So, as Big John McCain would put it himself . . . If Senator McCain is favored by Marxist polygamist terrorists I think people can make judgments accordingly.

http://www.lastchancedemocracycafe.com/?p=1350

Spead the word!
(h/t Gordon for the link)

Bloomberg

I got the "draft Bloomberg" email that, as far as I can tell, went to everyone who ever used the word "politics" online. While I can't imagine anyone supporting him, Andy Borowitz has the best take on it:

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is “still trying to decide” whether to buy the U.S. presidency, aides to Mr. Bloomberg confirmed today, with the sticking point reportedly being the steep price of such an acquisition.

In recent weeks, Mr. Bloomberg had been sending out positive signals about his interest in buying the highest office in the land, raising hopes among supporters that he might be preparing to throw his wallet in the ring.

In a speech in Oklahoma last week, for example, the mayor told an enthralled crowd, “In these divisive times, I believe that the American people are yearning for the
leadership of a whiny billionaire.”

Mr. Bloomberg even floated a possible campaign slogan: “Vote For Me and I’ll Give you $10,000.”

Aides close to the mayor indicated that there were other positive signs as well,
noting that Mr. Bloomberg had recently transferred $2 billion into his day-to-day checking account.

“With that kind of money, you could either buy the White House or ten Mitt Romneys,” said one aide familiar with the cash transfer.

But according to one of Mr. Bloomberg’s advisers who spoke on condition of anonymity, falling real estate prices in the U.S. may have given the mayor cold feet about buying the presidency.

“At this point, buying the United States isn’t looking like such a good investment,” the adviser said. “At the end of the day, Mike might be better off buying Canada.”

http://www.borowitzreport.com/

Actually, Bloomberg is the corporations relief pitcher if the Republican nominee looks like a loser and the Democratic nominee isn't Clinton.

White House Recycles

In the most environmentally friendly move yet by this administration, the White House is recycling:

The White House has acknowledged recycling its backup computer tapes of e-mail before October 2003, raising the possibility that many electronic messages — including those pertaining to the CIA leak case — have been taped over and are gone forever.

The disclosure came minutes before midnight Tuesday under a court-ordered deadline that forced the White House to reveal information it has previously refused to provide.

After all, we wouldn't want those backup tapes to end up in a landfill, or worse, littering Henry Waxmen's office.
Added: I should just leave the snark to the pros. dday at Digby:

Look, if you want to criticize the White House for actually showing bold leadership in controlling our runaway back-up computer tape consumption in this country, fine. But don't turn around and claim that you want to stop global warming then. You know how much carbon is released into the air through the production of back-up computer tapes? Maybe you want to see Florida sink into the Atlantic Ocean, and if so, go ahead and keep using those computer tapes!

I wrote my post before I read this. I should know better.