Tuesday, February 5, 2008


For to keep my way around this house, I recently stuffed my rent money in an envelope and taped it to a door. And not too late, which is nice, well, a commonplace occurrence, of course, excepting what I wrote upon the envelope- "Zymurgian"s (or whomevers) rent 2/20008."
Didn't realize the flawed year till after the envelope of cash had been taped to the door, at a last glance at my taping skills and my hard-earned frogskin.(again into the coffers of an incompetent landlord)
20008. Ha!

I wonder if folks will still be paying rent in Twenty-Thousand-Eight A.D. Ifn the Earth can still support life as we thunk it, I wonder what the brewers will be up to. That is, if by 20008 A.D., all the yeast on this planet, and all the mushrooms haven't evolved into a superior intelligence and formed an alliance to stay stoned on the human race. Oh yeah- maybe they're already doing that... Hey welcome to my world folks! More on this later
This evening, as I type, I am sampling my first homebrew of Two-Thousand -Eight. Been about 34 days since the mash tun. That's sufficient for a tapping. Can I talk your head off about how proud I am of my latest batch of (all-grain, that is) ale? Well, You, as a 21st century reader, are perhaps flummoxed by long diatribes with too many big words? Mayhap. But if you have gotten this far with this post without scrolling than you probably are not a dumbass.

The color is a very deep amber. Carbonation is perfect- i.e- understated,cyclical;expressive, gallantine and somehow promethean. unforced. I yielded 5.25 gallons of ale, through two glass carboys and many swing-top 16oz bottles. Too bombers.
This from 15 lbs of malted barley, half of it from across the pond, where i hear some are an autonomous collective oppressed by the system
By the year 20008, eggplants will have interbred with lobsters. They are called "eggsters" or "lobplants", depending upon where you are from. Concurrently, kangaroos either grow thumbs or learn how to use them, and almost overnite develop neural rivers in the hippowhatever part of their brains- far exceeding ours. Kangaroos retake Australia. And their brilliant hopping infantry is buttressed by the stalwart lobplant(or eggster) armada. Humans didn't stand a chance.
The last human public official was sentenced to death by Kangaroo Parliament. Drawn and quartered. The ghastly execution personally attended by the "Roopope" or "mullahkanga" depending upon where you are from.
Chinook hops in this batch, and I was glad to find them. Dank. Fragrant. Potent. Not only a great bittering and flavoring hop, but a cool Athabascan tribe to be named after. Chinook indians carved totem poles in their spare time, back in the day. They considered ravens, bears, wolves and killer whales especially holy. And now a great hop was named after them. Another Limey component is the yeast- first suckled on Thames tricklings, hedgehog breath, and the laughter of auburn tressed lassies with parasols and obnoxiously witty dogs.
Of course not!- if you are about to ask me if, as we have already established that saccaramyces cervisae and mycelium basidiomytes , along with kangaroos, will have conquered what we now know as Earth-if humulus lupus- hops, might also develop intelligence far exceeding the capacity of homo dumbass, and form a triumvirate of absolute reign with the yeasties and the boomers. They do not do this. Because not only do we have our pals the kangaroos as a dominant species, but sea otters have developed thumbs and neurotic anachronisms as well. Hop vines have taken over all of what we now know as Norte Amerika. They have formed an alliance with the sea otters. Unfortunately, ravens are siding with the 'roos, as are the hedgehogs and those stalwart comebacks- sabre-tooth tigers. But Mastadons(another dashing comeback) and Killer Whales, all the cetaceans, actually, are on the opposing side.
In the election year of 20008, so i gather (from, perhaps, this my very quaffable and assertive batch of homebrewed ale) the kangaroos have plenty of experience but a less than laudable economic policy. Also, they are not as personable as the sea otter contingent, whom in the last couple of debates have proven themselves superior orators.
Personally, I'm (well i would be) a dyed-in-the-wool Eggster fan.(or Lobplant) But some of the Roo policies are disconcerting to me. Hmmmm... Who should rule the world in 20008? Marsupials or damn near marsupial aquatic mammals that are really fuckin cute- like when they float about on their backs and stuff...
ahhhhh. This here's a fair to middling batch. H'cup.


pygalgia said...

I'm sorry, but the actual winner was a small species of toads that were bred as hallucinagens, but grew and added IQ. In 19998 they formed a new society that followed weird games. And obscure people who looked good. In fact, they talked about "pretty people", who were still toads. Thanks to bright colored lights, they died out in 20008.

Demeur said...

Exactly what type of medication is Zymurgian on? Or was it something in the beer?

Who rules in 20008? It'll be the flour bugs who survive the radiation storms.

Anonymous said...

What is civilization without yeast?

Justin said...

I like this post. IF humans are to ever perceive 20008 we will have to change our attitudes quite dramatically. I would guess the humans in 20008 would 1.) be strict vegetarians (vegans) 2.) be completely dependent on solar/wind energy to meet their needs 3.) rationally limit their population to ecologically sustainable limits 4.) reject all forms of social and political violence, even in retribution, and 5.) denounce all illegitimate forms of hierarchy, domination, and social injustice.

Is this likely? Given what we have today, probably not. We are more likely doomed to hell as most people are currently very far from these traits.


Mauigirl said...

Great post and your ale sounds awesome. We have a batch sitting in a carboy that is still fermenting very slowly so not ready to bottle.

Interesting to imagine the year 20008. I wonder/doubt whether we'll still be around but you never know. I'm rooting for the marsupials myself...